Maybe I should leave...it is time for a change
Yesterday I had a terrible lesson with one of my classes. After that it really set me thinking about what I should be doing and if I am truly enjoying what I am doing now.
Ever since I came back to work after my leave, I have been so busy that it has taken away time from my little one. After a day's work, I go back home and try to spend the rest of the day playing with her, talking to her, basically interacting with her so that she still remembers me as her mother. Sometimes, it breaks my heart to observe that she has no separation anxiety. When I leave for work and when I get back home, it does not make a difference to her. It is as if I do not exist in her life. Now, even an occasional slight smile from her when she sees me is enough because most of the days she does not even look at me.
I would have felt better if things are doing great at work. However, the greatest disappointment has dawned on me that all the sacrifices I have made are in vain. Back at work, students do not even appreciate the things I have been doing for them. Really, I have been asking myself why I even bother to get down to work after Veralyn goes to bed at 10pm, even when I am so tired I cannot even pry my eyes open. Am I supposed to be a clown in class, entertaining my students and making sure that they are fully entertained so that they can be continually interested in what I am teaching? I cannot convince myself that my role as a teacher has degraded to such a state. Yes, so I am not a good teacher. Does this admission make you happy?
I do not even have time to entertain my precious little one and yet I have to entertain the kids of other parents. Is this truly what I have to do as a teacher? Am I being fair to my child then? There is absolutely no point explaining to these students the sacrifices that their teachers are making to make sure that their learning take place in school. They do not even bother to understand the hard work their parents are putting in just to make their life easier. I mean NOTHING to them.
The fire in me is burning out. I think it is time for me to evaluate what I am doing now. Is it alll worth it? At this point of time in my life, I should be spending time with my little one, watching her grow up since she only grows up once in her lifetime and yet I am wasting my time on people who are not appreciative of me as a person. Why am I making such a huge sacrifice for a worthless cause?
Perhaps it is time I leave for a greener pasture where I can be appreciated and truly happy.
Ever since I came back to work after my leave, I have been so busy that it has taken away time from my little one. After a day's work, I go back home and try to spend the rest of the day playing with her, talking to her, basically interacting with her so that she still remembers me as her mother. Sometimes, it breaks my heart to observe that she has no separation anxiety. When I leave for work and when I get back home, it does not make a difference to her. It is as if I do not exist in her life. Now, even an occasional slight smile from her when she sees me is enough because most of the days she does not even look at me.
I would have felt better if things are doing great at work. However, the greatest disappointment has dawned on me that all the sacrifices I have made are in vain. Back at work, students do not even appreciate the things I have been doing for them. Really, I have been asking myself why I even bother to get down to work after Veralyn goes to bed at 10pm, even when I am so tired I cannot even pry my eyes open. Am I supposed to be a clown in class, entertaining my students and making sure that they are fully entertained so that they can be continually interested in what I am teaching? I cannot convince myself that my role as a teacher has degraded to such a state. Yes, so I am not a good teacher. Does this admission make you happy?
I do not even have time to entertain my precious little one and yet I have to entertain the kids of other parents. Is this truly what I have to do as a teacher? Am I being fair to my child then? There is absolutely no point explaining to these students the sacrifices that their teachers are making to make sure that their learning take place in school. They do not even bother to understand the hard work their parents are putting in just to make their life easier. I mean NOTHING to them.
The fire in me is burning out. I think it is time for me to evaluate what I am doing now. Is it alll worth it? At this point of time in my life, I should be spending time with my little one, watching her grow up since she only grows up once in her lifetime and yet I am wasting my time on people who are not appreciative of me as a person. Why am I making such a huge sacrifice for a worthless cause?
Perhaps it is time I leave for a greener pasture where I can be appreciated and truly happy.
posted by sunshineliv @ 10:11 am
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